Pole Position

Strippers, Poles, and the Secret Link to Dating Culture


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Strippers.

I think strippers provide the world with a much needed escape from reality. Most strippers don’t look like the kind of women we’d marry. They have fun little tattoos of sunflowers in the most curious of places. Strippers are the combination of synchronized swimming, choreographed undressing, gymnastics and Ripley’s Believe-It-Or-Not, all in one.

You know, I honestly believe strippers get a bad rap. Most people view strippers as money-hungry, scandalous, trifling chicks who have nothing to offer the world and I simply disagree. Especially since I think that damn near every woman actually wants to be a stripper. Most just don’t have the proverbial balls to do so.

Mmhmm.

I drew this conclusion after noticing an interesting trend. Allow me to share:

Panama’s Pole Postulation 1.2: If you put a pole in the middle of a room, 8 out of 10 women will either swing around it or touch the pole at some point.

Now this actually speaks to two different things. The first is that women do want to be strippers evidenced by the fact that no pole is safe in a room full of women and a DJ. The second is more interesting though. Somehow, I think women are as obsessed with phallic symbols as Dr. Frances Cress-Welsing thinks white people are obsessed with the suppression of the Black male phallus. The only difference is that I think Dr. Cress-Welsing is f*cking insane – though she’s probably right for all the wrong reasons. I mean really…it’s just a football.

But I digress.

Anyway, I’ve always found it interesting how many women will congregate to a pole in a room, even without any music playing. It just seems that women tend to like touching protruding objects. I’ve never been able to put my finger on it aside from the obvious adoration for the male fun-gun. Granted, it’s probably a subconscious thing and somewhere in life, society’s focus on patriarchal living was ingrained into the fabric of every woman’s mind causing a certain penis-love (I really don’t know if I believe in penis-envy though it can’t be discounted). I mean that’d would at least explain in part why women are always feeling up poles.

Men do it too I suppose, but I don’t know if it’s so abnormal considering how we have to “hold the pole” to take a piss, anyway. We have a birthright to be obsessed with our fun-guns. Plus, you don’t actually see straight men gravitating towards poles just because the damn thing is there.

But women on the other hand will just hold-the-pole to have a regular conversation and as soon as some music starts playing, out come the moves that most women ASSUME would be stripper moves.

I guess the main point here is that I find it very captivating that women are obsessed with poles so much, considering that most women don’t really respect actual strippers. Yet, as soon as the opportunity presents itself, the inner stripper in every woman will surface if the lights are dimmed just enough.

So what is it? Are all women really pseudo-strippers at heart? Or are women just obsessed with penii?

And where is the Honeycomb Hideout?


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